I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So many bounce houses so little time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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