I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
