remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
