I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
