Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
