butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
