I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
