My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
