Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
