and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
