she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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