You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize