we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
