I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dicks are not precious.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
