I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
