I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize