It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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