It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
