I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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