Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
