If i come over, it means nothing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
