Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
