WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
