She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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