i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
