I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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