yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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