i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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