Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
