Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
