Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
