He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
