I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
