this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
