Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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