Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
