I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
