Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
