The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
