I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i think my cat just said my name.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
