I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
