I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
