I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize