new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
