If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
