He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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