mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
