he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
