so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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