I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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