Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
