he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
