I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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