This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
so that wasnt chicken after all
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
