atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
