My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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