life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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