Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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