ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
