I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, beer. Big fan.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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