Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
