No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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