I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
