part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
