We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
