Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
