She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
