you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A bitchslap is in order.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
