If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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