yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the day after is always just damage control
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
