I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
