I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
