you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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